Leaving on a jet plane, Part One

**WARNING** This post is more of a vent/mommy fist pump recap of Miss K's first flight.  Please feel free to stop reading if bored.  I will try my hardest to make it funny while keeping it real.  :)

To all the mommies out there in blogland that have ever flown solo with an infant, you will probably find yourself nodding your head and maybe even giggling empathetically as you read this.  For those of you that still get to travel lightly or have yet to make that first flight...consider yourself warned. 

Miss K and I went home to Texas at the end of April for two weeks.  I needed to get home for some TLC (Texas Love & Comfort) and with Big Poppa commuting to and fro to Atlanta every week, I was about to lose my ever-loving mind.  Enter Maga, AKA my mom.  (No, I did not pick that name for her.  She's been Maga for almost 8 years before Miss K.  That's what happens when you have grandchildren last- no say in their nickname.)  We were going to Charleston, SC for the weekend, so she flew in for that and then drove with us to Atlanta where our adventures begin.

I planned our flight to coordinate with a morning feeding and then nap.  7:30 AM flight.  Perfect.  We'd board, take off, feed, sleep, land, and be in the Lone Star State.  No hassles, right?  Almost.  No one told me in the hospital after Miss K, or in my child-birth classes before Miss K that when flying with an infant the travel gods hate you.  You know Murphy's Law?  Yep.  He was on our flight that day.  And believe it or not, he was on our return flight.  Bastard.  To try and make it as easy as possible, the night before our flight we stayed in a brand new hotel at the airport that let us jump on the tram to the airport.  This was perfect as Big Poppa did not have to park at the airport and allowed him to escort us to check in since he is Mr. Platinum on Delta.  After an unsuccessful 10 minute try to check in at the kiosks, we get to nanny-nanny boo- boo all the poor folk in line and go to the special "no waiting"  Plantinum line.  Picture it though- one mommy, one daddy, one Maga, one super sweet Miss K, one BOB stroller, one Teutonia car seat and base, one rolling suitcase, two extra large shoulder bags, a diaper bag, a purse and a laptop.  No, we were not going to Mars.  Just Texas.  For two weeks.  As we were getting checked in and letting the agent know that we are checking two of the three bags (my bag and Miss K's bag- neither packed to be legal carry ons), we are so politely informed that Delta has a 45 minute prior to flight cut off to check bags.  Excuse me?  It was exactly 44 minutes until our flight and had we bypassed the kiosk debacle we would have been an hour early.  Yes, I am aware that you are suppose to be at the airport 2 hours before your flight but I'm 32 years old, not 82 plus I have yet to get anywhere on time since having Miss K no matter HOW early I get up or HOW far I plan in advance.  At this point Big Poppa/Mr. Platinum gets very business-like and puffy chested trying to negotiate with the agent.  No budging.  If you counted the number of bags and crap I listed earlier (9,345,567) and divide by the total number of ticketed passengers in this adventure (2) you will realize we were screwed.  No pretty pleasing the agent to make an exception, no later flights available to get on, no way to check our bags on a later flight.  We were one important suitcase over the limit so Big Poppa took my bag and said he would overnight it to me.  Please note that my last two flights home to Texas have resulted in delayed or lost luggage so I was actually looking forward to having clean underwear the first day home.  Enter my friend Murphy- no clean underwear for this momma the first day home.  But I was smart and packed my toiletry bag in Miss K's suitcase so I had the necessities.  After some tears and profuse sweating due to an almost breakdown (me), we made it to security.  Prior to Miss K, I had the routine down pat.  Shoes off and laptop out before I even hit the bins.  Not as easy now.  I got Miss K out and put our 25 bins on the conveyer belt.  We go through and guess who has illegal liquids in their bag?  You got it, muoh.  Remember how I said that I didn't pack our bags to be carry on friendly?  Let's just say I lost about $25 in face moisturizer and lotions.  Whatever.  After determining that my baby was not a terrorist in hiding and I was not carrying an explosive device in the BOB we were on our merry way to Concourse Z, Gate 1,000.  We literally walked up as they were almost done boarding.  I must say though, throughout the madness of our morning, Miss K was an angel.  I love that child.  All smiles and giggles as mommy is drenched in sweat and in need of some prescription drugs.

Twenty minutes into our flight we are fed and sleepy.  I get Miss K as comfortable as I can to take her nap and as she is settling down would anyone like to guess what happens next?  I'll let you think and guess............yep, massive poop.  Smelly, soy formula, massive poop.  With about two hours left of the fully packed flight.  What in the crap am I suppose to do?  Thankfully there is a changing "tray" in the bathroom that is above the toilet.  It is however within a very curious Miss K's reach of everything dirty in a bathroom.  I can now check off changing a poopy diaper on an airplane.  Does this mean I get to join the mile high club?  :)

The rest of our flight is uneventful, both Maga and Miss K slept the entire time while mommy's arm went numb from the elbow down trying to keep Miss K comfortable.  We get to Maga's house after a quick swing by Kolache Factory (oh dear..heaven)  and relax.  I call Big Poppa to let him know that we made it and I didn't have to be Baker Acted.  He proceeded to tell me that my bag was taken care of and overnighted to Maga's house.  It only cost $121.  Seriously.  No bull shank.  I got off the phone and asked my mom if it was too early to have a drink.

Lucky for the USPS, my bag did arrive the next day (albeit later in the day) so no one was hurt.  Miss K and I had a wonderful time at home relaxing, spending time with family and friends, and eating great food.  For those of you still awake at this point, I am going to leave you pondering about our return flight.  I will save it for a separate post tomorrow.  Two words to keep you hanging...mechanical difficulties.